Stuff about Minneapolis

Joe Mauer and Brett Favre one in the same?

Stuff about Minneapolis is not known as a hard-hitting local news blog. I tend to give you gems like this or even this. But what I am about to tell you will shake the Twin Cities to it’s core.

I want you to think about something. How come you never see Joe Mauer and Brett Favre in the same room together? Why is it that no one in the press has said “Hey, let’s get Joe and Brett together for a photo shaking hands in front of the Spoonbridge and Cherry? Think of the newspapers we’ll sell!” And not once have you heard about Brett attending a Twins game, and on Monday night some Twins players went to watch the Vikings-Packers game, but someone named Mauer didn’t go? Huh.
Does anyone out there remember what Joe did as a quarterback in high school? Wikipedia does…
Mauer also had an extremely accomplished high-school football career. During his senior season as the Raiders’ quarterback, Mauer completed 241 of 288 passes for 3,022 yards, 41 touchdowns and three interceptions. He finished his two-year career as a starter with 5,528 yards and 73 touchdowns, leading the Raiders to two consecutive Class 5A state championship game appearances and winning the title in 1999. Mauer threw seven touchdown passes in a playoff game against the Hopkins Royals.
Mauer was named the 2001 Gatorade National Player of the Year, Parade and USA Today’s Player of the Year, and a Reebok/ESPN High School All-American. Mauer was also named “National High School Quarterback Of The Year” in 2000 by The National Quarterback Club.

Wow, impressive. How about the little “joke” Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty made a few months ago at a press conference…
“Good afternoon. Thanks for coming to the announcement that, in light of the Brett Favre situation and its unsettling impact on the people of Minnesota, I am signing an executive order requiring St. Paul native Joe Mauer, in addition to catching for the Twins, to also play quarterback for the Vikings. These are tough times, Joe, and everybody has to dig deep.”

Oh hah-hah T-Paw, you so crazy! This is no joke folks. Do you catch my drift people? Is the fog being lifted from your eyes?

Joe Mauer is Brett Favre!

After months weeks days minutes of exhaustive research, I can tell you that this reaches the very top of Minnesota government and Viking’s ownership.
Brett Favre actually told the Vikings “No” on coming out of retirement. And the Vikings, who were desperate to solve their quarterback problems, hatched an intricate plan to get to the Super Bowl. Joe was contacted and agreed to a $100 million deal to covertly take over quarterback duties for one season only (and because he is a good boy, half the money from the contract will go to the Boys and Girls Club Twin Cities). The top makeup artists in Hollywood are flown out once a week to transform Joe into “Brett”. An undisclosed amount of money was given to the Favre’s to stay out of sight or keep up appearances. Brett is at a isolated, fully stocked cabin along the Chattahoochee River in west Georgia, with plenty of beef jerky and chewing tobacco to last through the end of the season. His wife Deanna Favre, is in the Presidential Suite at the Graves 601 Hotel in downtown Minneapolis. She comes out only to sit in Zygi Wilf’s owner’s box and wave at cameras during games.

Joe, what you are doing is the most wonderful, unselfish act the great State of Minnesota has ever seen. The Vikings are 4-0 and the Twins are in the playoffs. Is there anything you can’t do?

We love you Joe Mauer!

PS- If you could mention “Stuff about Minneapolis” when you are accepting your American League MVP award, I would appreciate it. It would be nice to see a huge visitor spike when I log on to Google Analytics.